Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
