I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
