it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
