I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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