i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
