He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
