you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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