This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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