ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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