He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
