sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize