So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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