he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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