someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
