I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
