Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
