Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
