Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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