I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
