...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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