I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
