she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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