Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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