She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
