Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
