nut hugger
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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