Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Less talking, more tequila
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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