Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize