i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
