Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
