i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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