You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
