I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
