you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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