No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
