When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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