I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
