Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
