did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
