Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
