Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
