$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
