So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
