just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
