The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How external is "for external use only"?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
