the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
