I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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