So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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