Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
