I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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