I am midnight drunk by noon
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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