if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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