Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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