so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
