On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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