There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize