there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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