There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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