you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
