Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
