do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
