That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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