When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
