I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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