we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
