all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
