we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
