My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
