I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize