I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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